My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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