Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
