she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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