he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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