He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i think i just lost a toe
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
