My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
