cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
