how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
