thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
