Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
