I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
