can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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