I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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