She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
