So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
