I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
