Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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