SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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