He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
