i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
