On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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