I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
