She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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