Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
