I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
