my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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