Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sext me about skeletons
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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