Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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