Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
