I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
