Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
