Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
