I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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