i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
