i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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