i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
