you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Your cock deserves a montage
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
