Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
