so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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