Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
