**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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