so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
