i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
