oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
