I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
