I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
