i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
