I'm jealous of your bromance
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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