No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
