period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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