did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
