Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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