He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
