**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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