i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
